The Traits Your Kids Will Remember You For, Part 3

What do you remember from your childhood? The times when you experienced special accomplishments? The difficult times that you didn’t know how you were going to get through? Chances are, you also remember the people that you shared these moments with…including your parents. Your parents were with you when you got the “A” in that most difficult class (they probably played an important role in your grade!). And they were walking with you during those dark days. Their presence was so important during your growing up years.

Your presence in your kids’ lives is so important. They need you…even more than they let on. Let me suggest 3 qualities that your kids need from your presence…they need you to be:

A visionary parent. This is a parent who can see a potential picture of their child’s future. They are careful not to impose their own picture on their child, but they do study their child’s gifts, uniqueness, and dreams to catch a glimpse of what life could be for their child. They carefully share this vision with statements like, “I could really see you doing this well someday!” or with questions like, “Could you ever see yourself enjoying doing this?” Visionary parents help their child raise his or her sights for the future and capture a personal vision that will give them hope and passion in the present. This is hugely important because this hope and passion will help the child become determined and persistent…the kind of determination and persistence that enables the child to pick himself up and start in again after a defeat. It also lights a path for a child in a sometimes dark and uncertain world that they will enter. Gary Smalley and John Trent (The Blessing) have written that seeing a special future for a child is like building her a campfire on a dark night. It draws her “toward the warmth of genuine concern and fulfilled potential—instead of leaving a child to head into a dark unknown.”

A connected parent. There are 2 key components to connectedness: communication and commitment. Connected parents build a bond with their child primarily through communication. That’s precisely why you hear people say, “Let’s connect.” They mean, “Let’s talk”. Embedded in the word communication is the word common. That makes sense, doesn’t it? We are most connected when we find we have something in common with another person. And parents who connect find ways to identify with their child. When you have something in common, you join your hearts…you stand on common ground. And that is built through communication. It is also built through commitment. Research has shown that the number one mark of a strong family is that the parents choose to make an unconditional commitment to each child. Dr. Nick Stinnett writes, “Members of strong families are dedicated to promoting each other’s welfare and happiness. They express their commitment to one another—not just in words, but through choosing to invest time and energy. Their commitment to each other is active and obvious.” This kind of commitment is what being a connected parent is all about!

A celebratory parent. Every little life can be marked by milestones. Certainly, we celebrate birthdays. But other milestones are worthy of celebrations. Educational milestones such as starting or completing a particular grade and graduating from high school or college. There are spiritual milestones such as a child’s first communion, confirmation, or profession of faith. We have developmental milestones like sleeping in a “big boy” bed, learning to swim, getting a driver’s license, or going on a first date. Every child’s like is ripe with countless opportunities to celebrate. But why celebrate? Because celebrations communicate a powerful message of love to a child. By celebrating our kids’ milestones, we are saying to them, “I notice you. I’m tuned in to your life, and I delight when something good or special happens to you.” That’s what celebrating means as a parent.

How about you? Over the past few months as we’ve gone through some of these traits, which ones are you already doing? Which ones need a little attention? Be intentional about it. Your kids will remember you for it…